drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
