I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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