Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
