Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
