Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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