Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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