i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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