I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
