"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You took a bar mat shot.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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