I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
