i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
