Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
they need to just BURY HIM!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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