and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
