No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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