Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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