I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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