You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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