Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
