let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
