Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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