you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
