whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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