The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
