I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
