How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
