Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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