It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
