$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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