y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
