He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
