Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
