I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
