maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
