Tell her she can't have a vagina
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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