I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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