It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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