she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
