barbara walters just said penis...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
