how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
