I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
