the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
