go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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