I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
