What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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