I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
