at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
