he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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