This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
