# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
