Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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