He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
