if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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