okay pat passed out under dana's car
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
