at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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