Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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