he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
