i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
