operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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